My Sister is in Love

My sister is getting married on New Year's Eve.  I think this is a very valid reason to restart this happiness blog, because I am reminded that the purest, most unconditional love can be seen in her eyes, heard in her voice, and felt in her presence right now, right as she is.

I have never, ever seen my sister so happy.  And I have her fiance to thank for that.

My special happiness today is all about remembering my sister and all about our memories together, and also about the love shared between two people who know their hearts are finally in the loving hands of someone who will protect it with his or her life.  I am so lucky to have found that person, and now I get to see my sister be with him and plan the special occasion of their union of husband and wife. It just... makes me so happy for them, because my sister deserves to know this kind of unwavering elation, this light and beautiful feeling of knowing that her life can now be shared with the special someone who was made specifically for her.

My sister is so patient and forgiving.  She loves without restraint and is the most gentle person I know.  Her kindness and beautiful heart should never be kept under lock and key, and knowing that her fiance is so willing to care for her and love her like she deserves makes my heart swell with joy.  She deserves it.  She is such a good person.

I have seen her cry over break-ups and I had to hold her through those tears.  Every tear she shed, and every time she asked me, "Is there something wrong with me?" I felt my heart break a little bit more for her.  How could anyone hurt my sister?  Who WOULDN'T want to be with her? She deserves someone with enough strength to protect her and enough tenderness to handle her heart.  

And she found him.  Thank God she found him.  

Because love is someting beautiful. Something I know that she deserves to have.  But it's also something that I forget sometimes, especially with the financial difficulties that Kyle and I have to go through these days.  But when I think of my sister and her bubbly doe-eyed happiness, I remember that I was once like that... and I can still be like that.  We don't need to have a lot... just each other.  More often than not, I feel that newlywed love for Kyle whenever we're together or whenever I talk about him at work, but when times are down, I realize that I have to try to hold on to that love and that complete trust that I had in him that we would both get through everything together.

I have to remember in our tough times.  I NEED to remember.

Because love may not solve everything, but it does help us get through the problems... together.

Writing

I've decided lately to keep a couple of daily journals and write down what has been happening day-to-day.  It's a bit boring at times, but I've found that I haven't been thinking about the day's events and stressing out about them because of it.  It's really nice to be able to write about my feelings, and I've decided that actually writing letters to myself (and to others) whenever I have something on my mind really takes a load off of me.  I don't know why I ever really stopped writing, as it was something I did as a kid.  Maybe it was the stress and huge workload of college.

Now that I've started, though, I can't seem to stop.  I've started looking for reasons to write, and one reason is to help others and make friends, which, after the last blog entry, you should all know is a really nice thing for me. I went on a few sites and now I have several e-mail buddies from all over the world.  I'm still of course getting to know them (since it's only been a couple of days), but I hope it will be a good experience for all of us.  Most of them are learning English and need someone to help them, so since I want to teach English and help people, well, why not, right?

I do love to write.  It's almost as fun as reading, which I'll probably write about in my next blog.  It releases a lot of my tension, I've found, and I really hope I keep to it.  And now that I'm recording all my emotions, it's really nice to feel that sort of load off of my back after I've had a bad day.  It's like telling someone without the stress of having made that person's day worse just by dumping all my negativity on them.  Sometimes, I just want to unload, and when I don't have to apologize for it or have to listen to advice that I'm not asking for, I feel so much better when I have it all written down.

Of course, I'm long winded and writing takes a up a lot of time, but I think in the end, it's worth it.

Making Friends

I haven't written in this blog for a long time -- not because of being unhappy, but just being lazy (though being unhappy is a minor part of it).

However, I just had a wonderful Halloween weekend and it was a lot of fun to meet with friends and have a lot of fun.  Not only did I get to hang out with my friends, but I was also able to catch up with old ones and make new ones.

I love the feeling of making new friends.  It's an exhilarating experience every time, because when you find someone you truly like, you genuinely want to know that person, their stories, and just what exactly makes them tick.  Whenever I meet someone like that, I feel so energized, because knowing that I've made a real connection with someone is wonderful.  It makes me think that my world is really expanding so much more, because here is a new person, whose life and memories have yet to be shared with me, that truly wants to get to know me just as much as I want to know him or her.  I love to make friends -- real ones, the ones that you know will just stick around and really make you feel like you're at home when you're miles away from your own hometown.

And the process of making that connection?  Amazing!  I met people this weekend that my heart just ached for -- it felt a yearning for these people, these conversations, these friendships that I never knew I wanted but actually needed.  Meeting them, becoming their friend, hearing their stories, and just having fun was such a good experience, and I wondered why it was so easy to talk to them.  I still don't know the answer, but I'm glad it happened.  So I thank all of the new friends I met this weekend, and I sincerely hope I can spend more time with them.

Not only was it nice to meet the new friends, but to see my other friends was just as exhilarating.  Knowing that I've made memories to last a lifetime with these people makes me so happy, because I know that they've touched my life in ways I could have never imagined.  They've given me encouragement, they've given me strength, they've listened, laughed, and even cried with me, and that in itself is such a special and beautiful happiness that I can never replace.  I thank them too for being such wonderful people.  I thank all my friends for being so beautiful and special and making me smile.

With my job, I get the experience of meeting people and talking to them, of course, but only a few people have really touched my heart for me to remember forever.  I don't think of them as customers, but dear friends who can see through my work-shell and not just laugh with me about things, but support me when I'm going through things I can't deal with on my own.  I have had a hard few weeks because of inconsiderate and selfish people, but to be able to talk to my friends about these times is such a special thing, because years ago, I chose to hold things in and be inconsiderate and selfish myself.  I didn't have anyone to talk to because I pushed everyone away, and in these five, almost six years that I've learned to finally open up, I realize that it is okay to show your true self and your true emotions.  So I thank all the ladies and gentlemen who have come and let me serve them at my job, who not only let me hold their hands, but also held mine.  You people came for a service, but in reality, we both helped each other.

No one who truly has a heart will judge or condemn you for feeling things or having problems.  Friends are people that really care, whether they're family or just someone off the street willing to talk to you while you're crying your eyes out.  Friends will help.  Friends are good people.

And to lose a friendship is the hardest thing in the world.  I try to joke about my experiences on losing friends sometimes, but in reality it broke a piece of my heart every time I said goodbye to a person or had a falling out.  Sometimes it was for differences we could not deal with, and other times it was for being betrayed.

I don't want to lose another friend.  It hurts too much to say it, but I talk to a specific someone and you know who you are:

Please don't push me out of your life.  I know it seems I am being hard on you, and it seems like I'm choosing sides, but you know my position on your problem, and I want to be there for you, but you won't let me.  I want to help you but you don't want it.  I know you are better than this.  I know what you can become.  You are such a beautiful person, with your wit and your true personality.  Don't cover that up because of your problems.  It is hard to be motivated, yes, I know this, but I know you can do it.  We helped you for so long that it became so hard, so frustrating, so infuriating to see you not take our advice or help.  I want you to be better, but I feel so helpless, like such a bad friend, for not finding a way to get through to you.  I've been told that there are people that need to reach rock-bottom before they can pick themselves back up, and I don't want that to be you.  You have so much potential.  Please make the effort to reach that potential.  You are worth it.  I know you are.  

....I don't want to see people get hurt.  I want to be a good friend, and I thank all of my friends (family included, because you're all such great friends too) for being there for me and making me so happy.

But had I not made one certain friend, I would not have been able to get out of my own bad place.

Kyle came to me five years ago, and as most of you know the story, I won't repeat it, but he has done so much for me in these five years of our friendship that I don't know what I would even be without him.  I certainly would not be this happy or open, and I most definitely wouldn't be so enthusiastic about life in general.  He rid me of so much negativity that I am a completely different person than I was.  I thank him for doing that, and I thank him for making my life so full of joy.  He has been with me through the toughest times, and has reminded me that I just can't fix everything and that sometimes we have to leave it up to our own faith.  I have no words to describe the incredible difference he has made in my life, but I will call him what my parents called him after he proposed:  He is an answered prayer.  I love you.  Thank you.  I have no other words for it.

Friendships are beautiful.  They become stronger with every laugh, every tear, every memory.  And the happiness that friendships bring -- old or new -- is one that you can never, ever forget.

Walking

The past week, I had no access to my car, since it was in the shop, so I had to walk to work, take the bus, or beg poor Ashley to drive me places.  We got our car back today, but I'm actually quite glad that I had that week without a car.  It made me slow down, get up a bit earlier, and enjoy some fresh air.  As it's been quite nice compared to the dreadful heat we've had all summer, I was able to walk to and from work without breaking out in too much of a sweat.  There were some nights when Kyle would walk to the mall and then walk with me home, since I was too afraid to walk home in the dark.

It was nice to be able to walk like that, and not feel rushed to go to work or go home.  I got to have nice conversations with Kyle during our walks, just like we did when we were dating.  They were good quality, half-hour or more walks at a time, and it made me realize just how lucky I was to slow down and have some time with him, and if I was alone, to myself.  I got to listen to songs on my iPod that I hadn't been able to slow down and enjoy, and even though I'm quite out of shape, I felt a bit healthier every time I did it.... so much so that I might actually just continue walking to work from now on.

It's not just those things about walking that make me happy, though -- a lot of what made me writing it down as one of my little joys is the fact that I have the ability to walk.  I noticed throughout the week of my increased walking the people who had trouble walking or couldn't walk at all, and it made me appreciate that I am, in fact, much healthier than I give myself credit, and that all of my body parts actually work as they should.  It also made me really appreciate and admire the athletes that have disabilities yet are still active and can compete in so many sports I wouldn't even know how to do.  Their strength makes me want to do more, and it makes me want to be more than I have been.

I suppose knowing, wanting, and appreciating the things that we have (yet take for granted most of the time) is something that we should all practice doing.  I love that I can walk, and to do so more often would be a way to appreciate not just that I have been given that ability, but also all the things I can experience because of it.

Like holding hands. :)

Being Appreciated

Today, I had a somewhat hard day at work.  I work at a nail salon here where I live, and have been working there for a little more than three years.  Today, it was busy and stressful and my coworkers were rushing through every customer.  I noticed a girl who was unhappy with the polish job one coworker did on her nails, and she approached me after having bumped one, telling me she wasn't too happy with the job.

Instead of fixing just one nail, I redid the polish on all her nails, apologizing for her bad experience and telling her that I hoped she would return since it was her first time at our salon.  When I looked up at her face, she was beaming, and said she would only ever return if I did her nails.  I could tell that I had made her day, and she was perfectly happy with the job I had done.  She offered to pay, but I refused, telling her that my only concern was that she left as a happy customer.  She certainly was.

She and her friends stayed and chatted as they dried their nails, striking up conversations with me and coming up with about 20 different nicknames for me, including but not limited to: DaBombDon, DonnaDawg, DonnaDaBombDotCom, D-Dogg, DaBombDonDog, etc.  We joked about Austin Powers, Chicago accents, Kentucky accents, and they made faces at each other and to me.

I was happy to have made her day.  And it made me remember all the other customers whose days I've also made better, from a birthday party of 10-year old girls who created the "Donna Fan Club" complete with theme song, to the woman who felt fat and ugly and left feeling more confident about herself after hearing a bit of encouragement from me.  It made me remember that although this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life, I have learned so much about myself and other people.  My experience with Alli (the girl from today) helped me remember that though I don't exactly enjoy this job every day, I have people who appreciate what I do and care about who I am.

And that kind of happiness -- being appreciated just as I am, right now, in this moment -- is wonderful.  I have the ability to make others feel special, and that, in itself, makes me feel pretty special myself. :)

My Special Happiness of the Day (Week, actually): Getting my Ragdoll

I am sure most of you don't exactly think of the same kind of Ragdoll when I think of one, so let me clear things up:  the ragdoll I am getting is not something stuffed or made nor is it named Raggedy Ann.  I am talking about a Ragdoll cat, the most beautiful cat breed that has ever caught my eye.  I've researched and sweated and saved and talked to every breeder in Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, and Illinois that had an email address, and finally I was able to find a breeder that I trusted who has a female seal bicolor that I have dreamed of having.  

Hopefully, if things go accordingly, I'll have her on Monday.  I just have to wait for her input...

Tina (the breeder) has been so wonderful with answering all of my questions and being so very patient with me.  I could tell right away that she cared about the cats and kittens she has, and she wants dearly to place them all in good homes.  I hope I don't disappoint. 

The kitten, like I said, is a seal bicolor kitten about 16 weeks old.  Tina calls her Bella, but I don't think I want to use that name, since Twilight has ruined any desire of association with that name. I hope she doesn't get offended that I'll rename my new raggie.  She (the kitten) has a little freckle -- I call it a beauty mark -- just above her lip.  When I get her, I'll take a million pictures of her and you will all be amazed.  :)

Every time I've felt upset or down this week, I've reminded myself about my amazing luck in finding my perfect cat.  I've really wanted this for a long time, and now that Kyle doesn't care about getting another cat, and I've finally saved up enough to get one, I just don't know how much longer I can wait!

My little furball of joy.  I can't wait to meet her.  And I also can't wait to figure out what to name her. ;P